Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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