She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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