I just threw up on my dentist
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
