I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
