So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bring me that man meat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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