Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
