I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The air was thick with penises
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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