Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
