In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
