Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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