The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
