another moral hangover. fuck.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
