I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
