ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
