I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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