3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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