After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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