he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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