just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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