Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
