It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
