I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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