as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
