Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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