the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
