I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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