hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
