I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
