i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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