the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
