it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
