This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Success! We fucked roommates!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
