I bet he comes in French.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
