so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
