I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
