There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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