he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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