i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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