Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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(319): View more from Iowa

You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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(845): View more from New York

I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar

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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(815): View more from Illinois

My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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(303): View more from Colorado

The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas

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(757): View more from Virginia

I threw a lamp at you?

(1-757): View more from Virginia

Yes, yes you did.

(757): View more from Virginia

Awesome

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