I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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