She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
