Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
