If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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