I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
