People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
