how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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