You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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