her vagine was all disorganized.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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