he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
