great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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